Belated Halloween post

Well it's a week late, but as they say, better late then never :)  Last week was Halloween and I decided to take J out to do a little trick-or-treating. It was a cold night with rain on the way, so the plan was just to hit our immediate neighbors. Mostly so they could see how cute he looked in his costume :)
I wasn't sure what to expect. I know that at 2 most kiddos don't really "get" the concept of Halloween so I went into it with an open mind. He was ecstatic to be set free and ran up each walkway. The first house greeted us with an already open door. J took that as an invitation and thought they were welcoming him in. They put a candy bar in his bucket (which I was holding for him) and he promptly took it out and held it for the rest of our adventure. At the next house I knocked at the door and he copied me. When our neighbor held out the bowl of candy he grabbed one and put it in his bucket.  At the next house he tried giving THEM a piece of candy ;)  He quickly caught on with knocking on the doors and eagerly ran up each walkway. He could have cared less about the candy, but he enjoyed the process.
At one point we ran into one of our neighbors and their children. They have a little girl who is just 2 days younger than J. That was the toughest part of the night for me. She was carrying her little bucket full of candy and chatting away. It has only been about 2 months since we last saw her, and her language has exploded. She was also  running up the steps to the porches, a skill that J has not yet mastered. It was a big wake up call as far as just how "behind" he is to his peers. But instead of dwelling on their differences we continued on and had a great time. Everyone thought he was just adorable (how could they not LOL) and we even brought home a few chocolate bars for me, oops, I mean J.
Here's a few pics

Getting a feel for his costume

What is on my hands??

ok, let's get these off

chilling with the iPad

holding his prized Twix bar

getting into mischief

And looking pretty darn cute!

Pumpkin Patch Pics

I am WAY behind in publishing my posts. Not that there's anyone waiting with bated breath to read them, but I want to try to stay somewhat up to date.
A couple of weeks a go we went to a local pumpkin farm to get, you guessed it, a pumpkin :)  This goes back to what I wrote about in my Changing Expectations post last month. I am making a conscience effort not to go into our various outings/occasions/experiences with a predetermined set of expectations, or with a picture of what the "perfect" version of the event will be. Of course with it being Fall my Facebook feed had been full of pictures of my friends' children enjoying the various pumpkin farms - pointing at and riding the animals, picking out their perfect pumpkin, doing various art activities and painting said pumpkins, etc. I wasn't going to let these visions cloud my experience with J. Our visit to the farm might look a little different than those of others, but that doesn't make it any less of an enjoyable experience. I chose one of the smaller, less crowded farms that doesn't have a ton of predetermined activities. My goal was to visit the farm, let J enjoy running around and taking in the sights, and to bring home a nice pumpkin. And, of course, get some awesome pics along the way. I think we succeeded...

As soon as we got there he was off..

He checked out the sheep

...and apparently he had something funny to say

I think that pumpkin is a bit too big

much better :)

exploring

checking out the hay maze

All in all we had a FUN time :)

Evaluation results

Yesterday I finally had the meeting at the local Autism clinic to go over the evaluation J had back in the beginning of September.  As I stated before I didn't bring J in for  the evaluation because I thought he would get a different diagnosis. I was simply trying to get a more thorough evaluation than he had the first time, and was hoping that the doctors would point me in the direction of some good resources, along with some recommendations for therapies etc. As I wrote about here I wasn't too impressed by the evaluation. I was at least hopeful that they would provide some useful information. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.
I didn't tell them about the diagnosis he already has, nor had I gone into specifics about the therapy he has been receiving. I wanted to get an unbiased opinion and see what they would recommend.
Well yesterday I received a diagnosis but not much else. They pretty much told me he has autism, handed me a printout from the Autism Speaks website, and referred me to a parent support group (which I am already a part of). I asked if they would recommend a specific type of therapy but they just said I should 

pick the one I feel would be the best fit. I asked if they could recommend an area pediatrician that is familiar with autism and they said that no one had ever asked them that before and they didn't have an answer for me. The write up they gave me on J was pretty generic and uninformative. If I hadn't already done a ton of research I would have been pretty lost at the end.

 I was very disappointed. I guess I was expecting more since this is a clinic that specializes in autism spectrum disorders. As far as they knew I hadn't done any research yet and the diagnosis was completely new to me. I anticipated/hoped that they would provide me with more information as well as a bit of a plan of action. In feel that they are doing parents a bit of a disservice and missing out on an opportunity to educate a whole population of parents. To think I first called to make an appointment back in April. If we hadn't lucked out and had our service coordinator find us the place to get a J's initial diagnosis we would have missed out on 7 months of therapy. And had we just gotten the diagnosis we would just be getting on the wait list for ABA. After of course I did my research, chose a therapy, and found the agency.
They DID however say that they feel J is on the milder end of the spectrum and that he should respond well to therapy. He lacks so many of the behavioral issues that often accompany autism, so in that we are fortunate. it is also great that we are catching this so early.

It is definitely not easy to sit in a room and have someone tell you your child has significant developmental delays and to have him receive a "label". But it doesn't change the awesomeness that is Jake. Having the paper in hand will help to keep the therapies coming. I will continue to advocate for him and to learn all I can to be best mom I can be to him. He is already making great strides and I have nothing but high hopes and expectations for him.

iPad mini giveaways!!

I have been slacking a bit this week with my posts. I have a few started that need to be finished up and published. I will be sure to get to them this weekend!
In the meantime, check out this super iPad mini giveaway on SmartAppsForKids. It is an awesome website that features and reviews iPad apps for children. They alert you to free apps and host some great giveaways. Right now they are giving away 10 iPad Mini'!!. IPads can be excellent resources for children with ASD. I would LOVE to win one for Jake. It would be the perfect size for his little hands!

And now, the wonderful ladies at The IMums are also giving some away. They are going to have TWELVE giveaways!! If you haven'nt checked out their site yet, hurry up and head over!! Here are the links to the giveaways!
#1 is here
Here's # 3 and Here is #3
#4
#5
#6
#7
#8
#9
#10
#11
#12
#13
#14

Changing Expectations

   As I wrote in my last post, there have been times I have gotten upset because an activity or an event we did with J didn't live up to my "expectations". I had one vision in my head of how things would play out, and when the reality didn't match the fantasy I was somewhat disappointed. I have decided that from now on I am not going to let these predetermined expectations to to cloud our experiences. I need to take each day as it comes and enjoy the moments as they happen. Instead of dwelling on the "what if's" or "if only's" I need to focus on the here and now and the joys and pleasures of the experiences in the moment.
   I have had two opportunities in the past few weeks to put myself to the test. The first was J's 2nd birthday party. In the weeks leading up to the party I was starting to get anxious. I knew that J wouldn't have an interest in opening presents or having "Happy Birthday" sung to him, and that he likely wouldn't show an interest in the cake or realize that everyone was there to see him. There would be other children there close to his age and I was worried that it would stand out that he isn't talking and interacting as much as they were.  What would everyone think? How would they react? Then, a few days before the party I realized that it didn't matter. Who cares what the others are thinking? And so what if J's party didn't look like that of other 2 year olds. J isn't any other 2 year old. He is his own unique, special, and wonderful individual. He has a smile that will light up the room and melt your heart. He is a happy little guy and loves being around people. If others see anything wrong with that then they don't know what they are missing out on. So I decided not to worry about J doing what was "expected" of him at his party. My goal was that he enjoyed himself and got to spend some time with family and friends that love him. And that everyone had a chance to see what a great little guy he is. I think we succeeded.
   J doesn't have a lot of stims, but a bit does come out when he is excited. He does what we call his "happy dance". He bounces a bit like tigger and does a slight hand flap. He looks like a very excited little boy who just can't contain himself. And that is exactly what he was as everyone was arrived - happy and excited. He seemed thrilled to have visitors, especially the children. He happy danced away as he greeted everyone and they just ate it up. It was great to see him try to interact with the other kids. He would play happily along side them, and a few times took their hand to lead them somewhere. When they were in the basement playroom  he brought one little girl over to go down the slide and another to go through his tunnel. I think they might have been a bit confused that he wasn't talking to them, but his smile definitely put them at ease and they followed along with him. He is definitely a little ladies man ;)
   I was worried about him getting over stimulated, but for the most part he held it together. He did NOT want to sit and have us sing to him which was fine. I had him look at the cake, sit on my lap for a minute, then let him go on his way. When it came time for gifts I was able to get him to rip a bit of paper on a present or two, but he quickly lost interest was off to other things. I opened the rest for him and he would come over and check in here and there. He definitely didn't get the concept that the gifts were for him, but that was fine. No one seemed to really notice or be concerned. He was happy and that was all that mattered. Towards the end you could tell he was getting antsy. It was getting close to his bedtime and he was hungry - he's not a big fan of eating in crowds. He settled down as everyone left and was able to enjoy a quick dinner and was out before his head hit the pillow. All in all, I think it was a very successful and enjoyable birthday for all. Especially J - and he's the only one that counts :)

Reading his new book

Checking out his Mickey Mouse Tractor

getting a closer look

Playing with a friend

Feeding mommy some yogurt

and wearing a little in the process

   

Expectations

    In the past when I thought of having children I had all kinds of dreams and expectations. I pictured how birthdays and holidays would go, and had visions of trips to the zoo, parks, etc and what they would look like. When J was an infant I would gaze into his eyes and couldn't wait for the day he would say "mommy". I dreamt of the day he would waddle over to me to give me a big hug and a kiss. As time has gone on I am still waiting for many of these things to happen, and those that have have looked different than I expected. 

    As you know, I am still waiting to hear "mommy". Or daddy, dog, ball, milk, more, ANYTHING. My guy likes to give hugs, but on his terms. If I ask for one he's not going to come over and give one. He will however run into my arms if I have been gone for a bit, and I absolutely love those moments. He also comes over for random hugs and cuddles throughout the day, and I cherish every minute of it.  He has yet to give me a kiss, though he will usually tolerate when I give him one. I am still hoping one day to see those little lips pucker up to plant one one me, or to at least see look of understanding when I ask for one, as he runs the other way because kisses are "icky" 

    There have been days when I have let these expectations not being met get to me. When the weather started getting nice this past spring and summer I began bringing Jake to various playgrounds. I envisioned him climbing up the jungle gyms and flying down the slides. Instead he acted as if the equipment wasn't even there. He was content to wander around aimlessly, and I spent most of the time bringing him back. I stopped meeting at the playgrounds for playdates with my mommies group. We never got to spend time with the other children and their moms, and it was hard for me to see children younger than him enjoying climbing, sliding, and running with the other kids while I tried to keep Jake from running away.  I eventually found a nice fenced in playground attached to a preschool that we were able to visit on the weekends. There Jake is able to explore as much as he wants, and I don't have to worry about him going to far. They also have some smaller equipment which I will carry Jake on to and encourage him to try climbing. He seems to enjoy himself, and when he is happy I am happy.

    Our trip to the zoo this summer was the cause of my own mini breakdown. My mother-in-law was visiting and we decided to take advantage of a nice and therapist free day to take Jake to see the animals. Since J doesn't really follow a point, I didn't really expect him to look at animals I pointed out to him. I figured we'd go to exhibits with the bigger animals walking around to and see if he noticed or took interest in them. I made the mistake of taking him out of the stroller early on. From his vantage point you couldn't see anything. We were at the polar bear exhibit and the animal was walking all around. I took him out so he could get a look. I *think he saw it, and seemed a bit interested. Next was the barn which was right next door, so I carried him over as he wouldn't be able to see anything from the stroller there either. I got him to look at the horse (for about 2 seconds), but failed to get him to notice the sheep, despite them being about 1 foot away and actually within reach. He was more interested in walking around aimlessly (though very happy) When it was time to move on he had a mini fit because he didn't want to be picked up and carried out. He isn't good at holding my hand and walking, unless of course it is in the direction he wants to go. Trying to get him back into the stroller was a major fail. He pitched a fit, threw his body around, etc. I carried him and we continued on to the sea lions. We went to the "underwater" part, where the sea lion swims by right in front of you. Again, I couldn't get him to take notice of the giant animal swimming in front of our faces. He was wriggling and trying to get down to run around. After a few more failed attempts to get him back in the stroller (and one very hot, sweaty mom), we headed back to the car. We were there just under an hour.

    I think things may have gone better if he had stayed in the stroller, but as I said, the way the zoo is set up he wouldn't have seen much. I guess what was hardest for me was seeing the other children at the zoo and their reactions to the animals. They were pointing, oohing & ahhing, and  seeking them out. Seeing a little girl probably about 12 months old in her mom's arms pointing to the sea lion as it swam by, saying "more, more" in anticipation of it coming back while J wouldn't even look at it tugged at my heart a bit. On a day to day basis I see him making great strides. When we are home he is such a delight and is really interested in interacting with us. (He is typically well behaved in public also) It's when we break out of our bubble and are around NT kids his age that it really hits me how delayed he is in so many areas. Just when I think I have fully come to terms with his dx and all that comes with it, I have a day like that day at the zoo.  It took all I could not to cry at the zoo (and in front of my MIL) I guess I am sometimes still grieving the loss of the life I had "expected" for J. Experiences like seeing my son enjoy the zoo and being able to watch him delight in the animals and share in his excitement. I need to remind myself that he is a very happy boy, and that to him he isn't feeling like he is missing out on anything.  And I still haven't given up hope that one day he WILL be able to have that zoo experience.

Baby steps to baths

I mentioned in my last post our plan for trying to make bath time less stressful with J. Since he loves playing at his water table I decided to try putting his water table in the shower. My plan is to try and ease him into being comfortable in the shower, and to hopefully clean him up in the process. The fist night my husband changed his diaper downstirs while I filled the water table. He carried him up already naked, and J was crying before they even got into the bathroom. I think he must have sensed that we were up to something and thought we were putting him in the tub. Since he was already upset I didn't push him. He pretty much saw the shower and ran. We scrapped the plan for the night.
    The next day I decided to try again. This time after changing his diaper I put a clean one on but left his pants off. I then opened the gate at the bottom of the stairs and asked him if he wanted to go play upstairs. I had the water table already full and the shower door open. He loves exploring the upstairs and usually does laps through the mater bedroom and bathroom, so I figured I would let him discover it on his own. During his first pass through he noticed the table and stopped to check it out, but kept going. As he made his way around again I sat on the bench in the shower and started playing in the table. When he made his way through again he stopped and splashed in the table from the outside, but wouldn't get in the shower. He did another lap and after his next pass through did this:

He played happily for a bit then got out to do another lap of the upstairs. When he came back into the bathroom I was able to take his shirt off and he got back in to play some more. He seemed to be really enjoying himself.

As he was playing I was able to get his diaper off also, but I'll spare you those pics LOl. While he played I lathered up a washcloth and tried washing him a bit here and there. If he started to get agitated I stopped. I didn't want to push him to far. Again, my main goal was to start getting him comfortable with being in the shower. I wasn't overly concerned with bathing him this time around. Like I said in the title, baby steps.
This afternoon I tried again. Today I brought him up in just his diaper. As soon as he walked in the bathroom and saw the table he got right in the shower. He played for quite a while without getting out at all, and even wanted the stall door closed. Again I washed him a bit here and there but didn't try to do too much. I even pulled one of the shower heads down and let him put his hand underneath. This time he cried when it was time to get OUT of the shower :)
Hopefully in a couple of days he'll be fine with a full cleaning. Washing his hair may be another story...